I’m so thankful for the miracle of pregnancy and birth. It’s what brings our amazing chil-dren into this life with us – a beautiful thing, right?
In light of the Thanksgiving holiday, I’ve decided to compile a list of Thank You Notes to those nine month long pregnancy quirks and experiences we go through.
Because those moments are magical. And cause for gratefulness. And sometimes, a little humor…
• Thank you Random “Any day now, eh?” Questioner. I appreciate your public concern regarding my due date and public disclosure of how large my stomach apparently is. Sincerely, Still Three Months To Go
• Thank you Morning Sickness for being a master of false advertisement. Because you are, in fact, morning, noon, and night sickness. Sincerely, Setting Up a Cot by the Toilet
• Thank you Constipation for your lack of clarity on whether I am in labor or just in need of a toilet. Sincerely, Sent Home From the Hospital Twice With An Enema
• Thank you Flatulence for the surprise visits during the most inopportune times. My co-workers and boss appreciate the refreshing breeze you bring to our office more often than not. Sincerely, Not Making Eye Contact
• Thank you Stretch Marks for adorning my body with your shiny, purplish beauty. I al-ways struggled with bathing suit season, but your presence has now made it non-existent in my world. Sincerely, Wearing a Muumuu
• Thank you Baby Bump for being my own portable table. I am able to conveniently set anything down and still carry it with me. Sincerely, Lazy
• Thank you again Baby Bump for also being a portable crumb catcher. My need to sweep the floors has diminished rapidly since you arrived, as you manically catch everything I try to put into my mouth. Sincerely, Magnet Stomach
• Thank you Random Stomach Petter in the Store. Because of you, I have learned the International Pregnancy Greeting includes a lingering and awkward stroke of my stomach. You have also taught me that I thoroughly enjoy being a walking and talking Buddha. Sincerely, Touch Me and I’ll Karate Chop You
• Thank you Bladder Control for not actually being in control of anything. My water and electric bills enjoy riding high roller coasters as I am forced to do extra laundry after every cough or sneeze. Sincerely, Buying Stock in Fruit of the Loom®
• Thank you “Were you trying?” Question (also known as “You know how this hap-pened, right?”), I love disclosing to you how much sex my husband and I have had. Sincerely, None of Your Business
• Thank you Indigestion for burning a hole in my chest that keeps me up at night. Tums® are now my favorite late night snack. This sleep deprivation training will come in handy soon. Sincerely, Lava Throat
• Thank you Great-Aunt Ethel for your pushy contribution to the naming of my baby. We had planned to use a family name for our child, but now we probably won’t. I also thank you for holding a grudge against me for the remainder of your days. Sincerely, Not Naming My Kid Ethel
• Thank you Pregnancy Glow for not actually being a glow. Unless you count the glowing red acne and the blood rushing to my face from violent vomit sessions. Sincerely, Putting on Lots of Concealer
• Thank you “How are you going to handle another kid?” Questioner, I appreciate you bringing up my worst nightmares and wanting to have a full blown discussion about them that sends me into fits of uncontrollable trembling. Sincerely, Scared for my Future
• Thank you Baby Center App for pushing notifications to my phone about my unborn’s new ability to now urinate inside of me and then drink it. Sincerely, I Was Just Eating.